I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
