How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
