i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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