hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
