Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am naked and annoyed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
