he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
