you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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