i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
