He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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