"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
