i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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