I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
