4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
