so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
