he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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