No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
