I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
