Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
