omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I believe in your delicious
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
