C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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