It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
