STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
