just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
