I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
