Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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