I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
