Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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