Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
