You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
