My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
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Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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