im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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