can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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