my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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