I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
