Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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