it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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