She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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