This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
