3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
