Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
