That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
