This is not my ceiling
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
