if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
