she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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