Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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