the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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