If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
