Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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