Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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