suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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