if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
