So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
