He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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