She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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