Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
