Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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