Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
