Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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