new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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