if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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