I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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