If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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