Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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